that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
