my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
