Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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