I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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