You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
