All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
