Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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