I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
