OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Screwed.edu
I just cut my nipple shaving
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
