Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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