She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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