So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
