i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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