I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
