So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
