She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
