oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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