Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
