I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
