I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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