Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize