I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
not ubering you a puppy
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
