5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
