I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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