and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
