I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Found the puke drawer
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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