i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
