i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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