they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
