dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
