please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
