If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
