Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
