the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My vagina is officially offended.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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