my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
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I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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