You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So much rum. So many feels.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
