I think I won the penis lottery.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
