I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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