How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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