Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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