im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
