after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm both gender and math confused
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
