I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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