if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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