I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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