i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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