I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
