Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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