I must be too annoying 4 u.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
