Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
