turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
