I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
