I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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