Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
