omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Everything about him screamed your future.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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