i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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