Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
